Really should have started this blog 2 weeks ago in time for Game of Thrones coming back.
Really should have started this blog some years ago when I used to fucking adore this show. But alas, times change, people change, and writing certainly takes a fucking nose dive.
Okay, so this needs structure (he says after writing the whole post twice and realising that just rambling doesn’t make for good reading).
As always with this blog, here’s your mandatory FULL SPOILERS Warning. Let’s start with the good bits of the Episode, eh?
Section 1 – The Shit That I Liked
First up – Tormund. Always fucking Tormund. He’s effortlessly cool. Kristofer Hivju is the perfect casting for him as well, he captures the larger-than-life nature that the Giantsbane needs. ‘I’VE ALWAYS HAD BLUE EYES!!’ cracked me up good. I laugh at this show a lot, but most of the time it’s due to the chronic fucking stupidity, not normally out of a genuine joke they’ve made. So good on the writers for embracing a bit of stupidity now and then!
Secondly – Sansa. Always Sansa. Sophie Turner could deliver all her lines to an empty room and I’d watch her, because that woman could have chemistry with a pile of dog shite. She puts Emilia Clarke, Kit Harrington, even Peter Dinklage to shame! The only actor on screen who can match her is Lena Headey, and that’s Lena motherfucking Headey for fucks sake! Sansa, as with last season as well, is the only character to speak any sense (although, I still hold a grudge because of that Vale Army bullshit she pulled in Season 6. She really couldn’t have told Jon that she had an army up her sleeve ((pun completely intended)) all that time?).
Exhibit A: [To Tyrion] ‘I used to think you were the smartest man in the world.’
So did I, Sansa! So did I. But then Tyrion Lannister’s role was reduced to expositional dialogue and dick jokes, so that’s what happened there. And then she rightly points out how the hell they intend to feed the 10,000 men that Dany has brought with her (with rationed stew apparently according to episode 2, but that’s tomorrow’s blog post). Although, I do believe that’s the last we’ll hear about provisioning an army in the middle of winter this season, because that’s all this show does. If it addresses a problem, it never has to solve it, because that would imply basic fucking script writing, wouldn’t it?! **BIG FUCKING SIGH**
But yes, Sansa is great and we love her always.
That’s sort of it for the shit I liked…
Section 2 – The Shit I Didn’t Like
WHERE. TO. START.
Dany, that’s where. I hate her. Many reasons really; she’s self-centred. She’s a psychopath. She’s so entitled. The show has always painted her as a hero and a badass, when really I’ve always seen her as a tyrant ruler waiting to happen. Emilia Clarke is also one of the weaker actors on the show (see above section on Sophie Turner).
The character is all over the place, honestly, so much so that I just don’t care anymore. She goes from pissed off that all of the North isn’t bending the knee and coming to heel like the good little Direwolves they should be, to ‘romantically’ flying her dragons with Jon Snow in tow. Fuck me that Dragon scene was boring. Who wants to watch CGI dragons fly about Iceland? I can go watch How to Train Your Dragon for this shit; and it does it better! The characters there at least have some romantic chemistry! Watching Jon and Dany together is like watching two planks of wood Clonk Clonk Clonking together as they kiss. And don’t even get me started on Toothless- I mean Drogon the Pervet, for fuck sake. The show also can’t seem to make up its mind about the dragons as well. How intelligent are they? Because that scene made it very clear Drogon knew what was happening. But then they are also portrayed as animals the rest of the time, with the intelligence of a smart dog or something. My dog brilliantly intelligent, but she doesn’t know what’s going on when people kiss! Dragons have never had the human-like intelligence that Drogon was giving off this episode. Fucking perv, staring at your mum and her boyfriend.
Speaking of boyfriend; how long have Dany and Jon known each other? A month? Two maybe? And they love each other? Fuck off, I’m sorry. I’m sick and tired of Hollywood love bullshit. Jon’s also into redheads, okay? Stop putting us gingers down! This is systematic oppression of the ginger!
Enough about the Mother of Pervy Dragons though, what else pissed me off? I’ve already covered the reduction in Tyrion’s role and how it annoys me. He’s been ruined and now Peter Dinklage has nowhere near the same quality of material he used to work with, which is a shame, because when he’s got a good script, the man is excellent.
Oh yes, on the topic of the Lannisters; Did the show just forget that they’re all supposed to be blonde? Cersei is the only blonde one now, the fuck is that? Jaime’s gone completely brown, and Tyrion has a weird, 90s punk band frosted-tip thing going on? Did Linkin Park not need him anymore?
The normalisation of everyone’s favourite Psychopath also really annoys me. Arya Stark (Or ‘The Terminator’) is a fucking lunatic. You think Dany is mad? At least Dany is kinna sorta justifiably mad. The Terminator is M A D. The fact that they’re trying to show her off as this normal 18/19 year old girl just because Gendry is here is some heavy bullshit. No one remember when she poisoned all the Freys and put some of them in pies? Or when it was heavily being hinted at that she was going to kill her sister before Bran stepped in and saved the day with magic (off-screen magic might I add, which kinna annoys me still)? It seems like the showrunners are trying to ret-con her character. ‘Oh, she’s still a badass, but unlike last season, she can feel emotions this time round!’
STOP. Just stop! She is literally the nutcase of the show! The only person more unhinged than her is Cersei, and that’s only because Cersei blew up everyone who threatened her! Arya is a lunatic and the fact they are trying to now paint her as a dangerous, but still teenage girl is excruciating. If you’re going to make her a psycho, make her a psycho!! God al-fucking-mighty!
So that was the shit I didn’t like.
Everything else was just sort of ‘meh’, and I know you don’t want to read my ‘meh’ opinions.
Normally, I’m going to write a little ‘predictions for next week’ thing… But we’re two episodes behind so… Yeah…
As always, cheers fur reading. This is the sort of stuff you can expect from me all the time, hopefully not always as negative however.